My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
