Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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