I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
