I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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