I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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