Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize