This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
