Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
