Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
