Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
