im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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