if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
