I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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