cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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