I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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