Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
