Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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