Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
