He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
