I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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