I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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