i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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