how can u be prego again
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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