I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
