I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
