you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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