I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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