why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
