My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
