I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
