if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
