i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
