I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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