home. puking in laundry basket.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
