I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
