dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
