My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
