this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
