Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
