Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize