haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
