It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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