just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
