It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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