I am puke
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
