you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
