yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Never underestimate the power of titties
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
