She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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