I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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