tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
