i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
