im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
