so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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