he told me I talked like a deaf person
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that