I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail