My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet