Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.