I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
