I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life