That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
