So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
