You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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