If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
