So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
