somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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