dude i'm inner monologue high
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
