she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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